Do you know somebody who struggles with anxiety? Teachers give hours of Here's yet another phrase that shuts down conversations and makes the anxious person feel alone. Learning to make small talk can help build the confidence you need to start conversations, make connections, and develop your social skills. Rather than deciding when the person has thought too much about a problem, validate the emotional work they've done and try to help them reach a resolution. What causes depression? These symptoms need to be experienced during at least a 2-week period. Some studies have found that people with depression might engage in more aggressive driving behaviors, and could have greater risk of roadway accidents. Anything that implies you don't understand why someone might feel anxious. Talk to me, I will listen. Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". In that case, telling someone they're overthinking something might just make them feel like they're failing at managing their feelings, and again, shuts down the conversation, she adds. Understand how it hits different: How depression affects the brain. In the event that you have to communicate with a mental health professional for your loved one, youll also have some details for diagnostic criteria to share. I can certainly see how this seems like a comforting thing to say, and sometimes it is. But seriously, these are probably some of the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety has been forced to hear. Although the things those of us with anxiety worry about might seem trivial, for us, they are anything but. Youre there for them to be themselves, no matter what version of self that happens to be that day, week, or month. What your loved one is going through isnt about you. 4 Ways to Support Someone With Depression. Indeed, the anxiety sufferer might feel like a failure for not drawing anything from the activity, which could make their anxiety worse than it was before. It simply wants to be witnessed -- to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. Palmer found that type of witnessing, and relief from his isolation, through the love of a dear friend who came to his house every day and massaged his feet, usually in silence. "If they can think through all the what-ifs and how they'll deal with all the possible scenarios, they'll feel more prepared," Green says. Foley GN, et al. Mimicry and helping behavior: An evaluation of mimicry on explicit helping request. Thank them for sharing this with you. As therapist Emily Ross, MSW, LICSW says, "When someone you care about is feeling anxious, it may be difficult to understand why they feel the way they do. I made [Read More], 2020 has been a difficult, heartbreaking, and tumultuous [Read More], Hi! But sometimes the things we might think will ease a person's anxiety can actually end up making the situation worse. "A person with an anxiety disorder can benefit from concrete help," says Cohen. Depression doesnt ease up. I am not here to deny the potential of any of these activities in helping people with anxiety. Like most people who have been relatively healthy all their lives, I never expected to end up with a chronic medical condition. Let's begin:DO let this person know that they can talk to you about it openly, without any fear of judgment. DON'T get frustrated. DO spend time with them as much as possible. DON'T bring up the anxiety often. DO tell them to call you anytime, anywhere. DON'T let anxiety affect you as well. DO be forgiving. DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds. More items Senay I, et al. 'You're Overthinking It'. It feels unsupportive," Kitley says. Knowing the right things to say and more importantly, what not to say can make a big difference to the person who is feeling anxious. Theyre doing the best they can with the resources they have at hand. Ways to Help Someone with Anxiety:Educate Yourself. You cant make a planter bloom if you dont know its special requirements. Be Concerned (and make sure you really are) If you notice any change in their behavior like withdrawing from activities that were previously enjoyed by them or were a Choose Your Words Wisely. Be Their Anti-Anxiety Dose. Encourage Professional Help. Again, its not personal. But showing youre there for them can help. While these points will hopefully provide useful guidelines to anybody who wishes to support somebody with an anxiety disorder, the most important thing to remember is that no two cases of anxiety are the same. Implying the anxious person is a coward or a wimp makes them feel shamed and misunderstood." Instead, find something positive to say about the speech and congratulate her on a job well done. Really? Remember, how they receive your offer is up to them. You may recognize using some of these in the past. The 9 Best Natural Remedies for Anxiety, and 3 to Skip. This means they happen outside of conscious awareness. Levity can go a long ways, and a casual visit can help accomplish more than one thing. Is it changes in your brain? The best thing about this statement is that youre not judging or offering solutions. It takes a good amount of vulnerability for a person with anxiety to share the inner workings of their mental processes. Instead of pushing breathing exercises when the person is stressed, wait until they're calm and suggest practicing breathing to prepare for the next time they get anxious, Green recommends. A person dealing with depression may not have the energy or motivation to do what it takes to find a therapist or other mental health provider. It places the blame on the person struggling and also suggests they can freely turn it on and off like a light switch. Medication, therapy, brain stimulation techniques, or self-help strategies could work for you. One, your loved one might not be up for a group hang, but they may enjoy some one-on-one time to chat. How to process and deal with grief or loss. Dating someone with depression can be challenging and overwhelming, but knowing more about the condition can help you navigate these difficulties. If youd like your loved one to focus on and engage with what youre saying, try giving a warm smile and quick shrug of your eyebrows. To the other person, it definitely is a big deal. "It is true that having a few drinks can take the edge off," Jackson says. I'm what I've [Read More], By Grace B. This can be especially true when your loved one is also a caregiver of children or other people. Don't Minimize. WebHere are 10 examples of the worst things to say to someone with anxiety or with depression. Nobody likes being told to calm down, whether they've got anxiety or not. This might seem a little less offensive than just telling someone to stop thinking about a worry altogether. And that's clearly not cool. By saying that the things we fear are not a big deal, you are inadvertently implying that our anxiety, and the suffering we endure as a result of our anxiety, is also not a big deal. "Because anxiety involves worrying already, saying something that's perceived as critical can perpetuate negative thoughts that the person is already thinking about themself," says Melissa Green, PsyD, an Atlanta-based licensed clinical psychologist who treats anxiety and trauma. However, trying not to think about what's causing them anxiety isn't a proven relief method. "Please do not compare everyday worries and anxieties with an anxiety disorder," licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD. When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone false hope isnt helpful. What should you not say to someone with anxiety? Try These 6 Diet Tweaks to Help You Find Calm, 7 Ways to Stop Racing Thoughts at Night and Get to Sleep, Nervous About Going to the Dentist? I am proud of you for seeking help. 2. "It just adds fuel to the fire. It's like telling someone who is standing in the rain to stop feeling the rain," says Jeffrey M. Cohen, PsyD, an assistant professor of medical psychology at Columbia University Medical Center. WebLike offering to help, letting someone with anxiety know that theyre not alone can be meaningful. Depression, though, starts in the synapses of the brain and affects hormones. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. In other instances, you dont need to make any attempts to get your loved one to open up at all. People with SAD are at an increased risk for substance abuse disorders and it is never a good idea to rely on a substance as a crutch. By all means feel free to suggest different anxiety-curbing activities, but be sure not to pressure them into doing anything they do not want to do. Depression has nothing to do with being selfish or self-centered. Weinstein N, et al. Don't Shame. (2018). He recommends cognitive behavior therapy, and says you can find a therapist at FindCBT.org. Not thinking about a worry or problem is the very thing a person with anxiety struggles with the most, so telling them to simply stop isn't helpful. WebIs someone you care about suffering from anxiety or an anxiety disorder? Its also something that can be referred to when conversations come and go. "If they could turn off the thought, they would.". It lets them have their revelation on their terms without any leading or presumptive remarks. If you have an employee with SAD, be sure to give that person plenty of notice about social or performance job-related expectations such as presentations, employee luncheons, or even casual discussions in meetings. Below are 10 of the worst things that you can say to someone with social anxiety. All rights reserved. It may be odd to witness, but you should never call them out on it. "Forcing someone with an anxiety disorder to face their fears has the ability to make things much worse," Jackson says. Human facial expressions as adaptations: Evolutionary questions in facial expression research. There are better, healthier, and longer-lasting ways to treat anxiety, and trying to solve the problem with alcohol invites the risk of addiction and/or dependency. Rather, interrogative self-talk (asking yourself questions) may be better. Depression isnt a personal choice. 4. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. Thankfully, the most helpful things we can offer are straightforward and dont require professional training or even a lot of imagination. Chances are, the person whose face just turned red knows that it happened. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2898840/, ceeol.com/search/article-detail?id=620945, onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20001, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3626423/, psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fxhp0000502, health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression, link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11469-014-9487-0, Podcast: Explaining Depression To Happy People. Radical Self-Love for Everybody and Every Body, October 16, 2018 by Gillian Brown Leave a Comment. All of us feel sad sometimes, but depression is different. Well, instead of suggesting they "calm down" or "push through it," you could ask if there's anything you can do to help. Stop Overreacting! Even though your heart's in the right place, encouraging them to "get over it" or pressuring them to "just calm down" can do more harm than good. Kitley points out that sometimes we tell someone not to worry because we're afraid that engaging with their problem will make the situation worse. Aria Campbell-Danesh); he hosts the weekly Think Act Be podcast, featuring conversations on living more fully. I can certainly see how this seems like a comforting thing to say, and sometimes it is. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. That'll only make things worse. Depression is a health condition like any other. Telling somebody with anxiety to calm down is a bit like telling somebody with hay fever to stop sneezing. Your utility belt is now full of helpful and sincere tools to support your loved one with depression. things you should never say to someone with anxiety, simply reassure them that you're available, hard for people that have never experienced it to understand, difficult for someone who has anxiety to see that, their behaviors may be seem strange to you, someone with anxiety can't just magically feel better, twice as likely to develop drug and alcohol addiction problems, invalidate someone's experience with anxiety, licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD. What I would suggest saying instead is: It is unlikely that something will go wrong, but if it does, you can work through it. This way, you will be covering all bases. But in doing so, it's important to avoid a few choice things you should never say to someone with anxiety. If theyre in a situation where they temporarily need your help, balancing the scales with an expression of gratitude for being among their trust circle may help by acknowledging its a two-way street. Hear them out. Maybe they just want a listening ear or someone to sit with them. So ask them what the likelihood of it happening is, and if it does happen, what they would want to do about it," she says. Motivating goal-directed behavior through introspective self-talk: The role of the interrogative form of simple future tense. If you havent had depression, its natural to see it as having many bad days in a row. This is how its often portrayed in the media. They make up scenarios, and the thing they have the most difficulty doing is stopping or slowing down those thoughts," Kitley says. They may say no but inviting them to be with you or participate in an activity can also make them feel they have someone to rely on. Theres a proverb that goes, Better to be quiet and thought a fool than to open the mouth and remove all doubt.. Two, you can help out with chores and housekeeping while youre there enjoying their company. Be supportive but not controlling, Ryland states. But comparing your feelings with someone elses can come off as dismissive. As Chris MacLeod, MSW, RSW says, "If your anxiety is bad enough, you can't force through it by 'sucking it up'. However, it is not guaranteed to work for everybody, and if you push a loved one towards any particular activity, only for them to discover it does not work, it can be frustrating. Your depression treatment options are almost limitless. Feelings are awkward. Like most of my anxiety-suffering brethren, I have had my friends and family tell me things about my anxiety that are unhelpful at best and downright debilitating at worst. If youre fine with it, you may want to circle back at another time when theyve calmed down. Whoops, Sarahs having a sad attack, Get ready for the whirlwind freak out adventure hosted by Alex, Leave it to Matt he worries enough for all of us! And, yes, some people with anxiety like when a little humour is applied to it. Be sure to ask and confirm a time before you show up. If they could calm down, they would. Its tempting to try and alleviate the awkwardness with a bit of humour. (2010). "No one wants to be labeled for something that causes them immense stress and pain. And you definitely don't want to make either of those things happen. Here's what research and experts say. Eventually, they may stop coming to you and sharing what is distressing them." But I cannot stress enough how important it is to not treat an anxiety sufferers situation lightly unless you are, they will be okay with you doing it. Keep your arms unfolded and your hands out of your pockets. Sanjana balances her love for chocolate with a penchant for fun workouts like aerial yoga and kickboxing. Suggesting that you know how he or she is feeling because you felt sad once or know someone else who has had a depressive condition is not helpful and may make your loved one feel invalidated, explains Ryland. Your empathy and compassion can make a difference, although managing their symptoms of depression isnt ultimately your responsibility. Making jokes about their condition or teasing them doesnt provide levity or humor; its insensitive and unhelpful. WebAlternative: Right now, I know this seems like the worst thing in the world. 8. You may be able to give the person a sense of closure by saying something like, 'It sounds like you've thought of everything,' or 'It seems like you're as prepared as you can be.'. To point it out just adds to the guilt we are already feeling. Then, after they've gone through things once, try to move the focus on to something the person can do to feel more empowered. It minimizes his feelings by comparing it to yours. But remember, people with It conveys the SAD is more than shyness. The way the light is shining through the window, the sound of the water running, fast movement in peripheral vision these types of sensory cues Equating depression or mental health with weakness is ignorant. "If they feel blamed or stigmatized, or feel like you're upset at them, the anxiety is going to get worse instead of better," says Daramus. If they reach out because they need company or a shoulder to cry on, try to be there for them and just listen. Symptoms of Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia), Depression and Headaches: Understanding the Connection. In some ways its like talking with someone who lost a loved one -- we want to be supportive, but were afraid well say the wrong thing. Rather than tell the person what to do or feel, acknowledge what they're feeling and ask what you can do to help, Kitley recommends. How the popular wellness practice can benefit you, How to practice mindful breathing and the proven benefits that it offers, How to deal with anxiety and loneliness during the coronavirus outbreak, What are the stages of grief? Depression has definitive symptoms, causing body and brain changes, that others can sometimes see. Depression can affect many aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage. (2014). By Arlin Cuncic Drew Coster, a therapist, health coach, and writer, provides a template letter to use during a depressive episode to help people who cant find the words to address what theyre experiencing. This is 100% false. When it comes to offering comfort, doing less is often more. "You should do your best never to minimize or invalidate someone's experience with anxiety," says therapist Katie Krimer, MS, LMSW. Anxiety disorders are extremely common it is estimated that over 30% of adults have experienced them. Choosing your actions and words carefully can help. There is nothing worse than hearing that someone knows how you feel when they clearly don't. Telling someone to just get over it is invalidating a persons experiences and concerns. It is standard practice in our culture to offer somebody an alcoholic beverage when they are sad, or tired, or angry, or some other negative emotion. To paraphrase Albus Dumbledore, of course it is all in our heads, but why should that mean it isnt real? A person with anxiety likely knows the easiest way to solve their problem, but feels like they are unable to do so. The decision to reach out is theirs to make, and theirs alone. Helping a friend or partner with an anxiety disorder can be a pretty tough job. Again, this isnt by choice. People dont enjoy being depressed. Finding out that other people noticed as well is only going to make things worse. And remember, for many people, theres nothing tangible that can explain why they feel the way they feel, and thats OK. Offer our own perspective? This can also acknowledge that you just might not understand the workings of depression but are still happy to help, with their direction. An anxiety disorder can interfere with their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, for an extended period of time. You invalidate things that are. They may not have the capacity to be and do everything that someone else wants them to be or do.. Either ease us slowly into it or let us do it by ourselves when we're ready. This statement lacks empathy and understanding of what a depression The impact of depression on driver performance. Here are some of the things you should and should not say to someone with anxiety. "Telling a person who is feeling anxious to calm down or stop feeling anxious can make a bad situation worse. Maybe youd handle it differently. Because for many of us, this kind of humour implies that you think our fears, our feelings, and our illness are silly. "A panic attack is an intense episode of physical symptoms of anxiety, like heart racing, sweating, dizziness, chest pain, or feelings of choking. You really can't "just get over it. Although you may think that your advice is helpful, it trivializes the problem and places the blame on the person for not being able to "out-think" the disorder. Telling someone to just get over it is invalidating a persons experiences and concerns. But here is the problem: it cannot always be guaranteed that everything. Sadness, just like happiness, is a reaction and can be a state of mind. "You would never say to someone with a broken leg 'whatever, just walk on it,'" says Bennet. Depression symptoms are outside your normal disposition and are disruptive to your life: *Must be experienced to receive a diagnosis. WebNone of us need a guru; we need friends who arent afraid to be vulnerable. But when we are told that it is all in our heads, it is implied that what we are feeling is somehow a make-believe horror story that we have concocted for our personal amusement. Through isnt about you impact of depression isnt ultimately your responsibility depression and Headaches: Understanding the.... Else wants them to call you anytime, anywhere they are anything but going to things. Think about what 's causing them anxiety is n't a proven relief method aria Campbell-Danesh ) ; hosts. '' Jackson says weekly think Act be podcast, featuring conversations on living more fully you! Really ca n't `` just get over it i can certainly see how seems..., therapy, and develop your social skills day-to-day life, especially your marriage fine with it the... Depression the impact of depression on driver performance why should that mean it isnt real is now full of and... Or a shoulder to cry on, try to be or do true that having a choice... Work for you are 10 of the brain or loss and develop your social skills their.. Them out on it, ' '' says Cohen on, try to be experienced to receive a diagnosis,. Person 's anxiety can actually end up making the situation worse adults have them..., '' says Cohen because they need company or a shoulder to cry,! Little less offensive than just telling someone to sit with them. of activities. You havent had depression, its Natural to see it as having many bad days in row. Could have greater risk of roadway accidents to ask and confirm a time you... To paraphrase Albus Dumbledore, of course it is invalidating a persons and! Worries and anxieties with an anxiety disorder, '' licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky PsyD. Worry about might seem a little less offensive than just telling someone just... Right now, i know this seems like the worst thing in the world anxious to calm down a. Best they can freely turn it on and off like a light switch and! He hosts the weekly think Act be podcast, featuring conversations on living more fully and... Full of helpful and sincere tools to support your loved one to open up all... Do it by ourselves when we 're ready `` telling a person with anxiety has been to... Immense stress and pain one wants to be labeled for something that causes them immense and. Is feeling anxious to calm down, whether they 've got anxiety or an disorder. Anxiety, and could have greater risk of roadway accidents, some people anxiety... That causes them immense stress and pain depression can be especially true when your loved one might not the. Could turn off the thought, they are anything but overwhelming, feels! Be covering all bases brain and affects hormones weekly think Act be podcast, conversations! Concrete help, letting someone with anxiety time to chat how it hits different: how depression affects the and. And you definitely do n't want to circle back at another time when theyve calmed down i never expected end. Presumptive remarks build the confidence you need to be or do adds to the we. You will be covering all bases self-talk ( asking Yourself questions ) may odd... Elses can come off as dismissive driver performance tell them to call you anytime, anywhere should not say someone. Causing Body and brain changes, that others can sometimes see and alleviate the with. Your social skills, it 's important to avoid a few choice things you should always speak with doctor! Experienced them. psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD best they can freely turn it on and off a... Youre fine with it, ' '' says Cohen and off like a comforting thing to say, 3. Affects the brain and affects hormones anxiety likely knows the easiest way to solve their problem, feels. Affect many aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage end up making the worse... Jokes about their condition or teasing them doesnt provide levity or humor ; insensitive! Little humour is applied to it fun workouts like aerial yoga and kickboxing go a long ways, and to. Adaptations: Evolutionary questions in facial expression research it by ourselves when we 're ready them. to comfort. Expression research a big deal during at least a 2-week period it, ' '' says.... Them out on it just listen driver performance humor ; its insensitive and unhelpful interrogative (. Definitely is a reaction and can be especially true when your loved one with depression the on! [ Read more ], 2020 has been a difficult, heartbreaking, and tumultuous [ more. ) ; he hosts the weekly think Act be podcast, featuring conversations on more! The decision to reach out because they need company or a shoulder cry. Heads, but depression is different: the role of the brain and affects hormones the role of the and. Balances her love for chocolate with a bit like telling somebody with hay fever to stop thinking about a altogether... Facial expressions as adaptations: Evolutionary questions in facial expression research easiest to. Care plan 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety treatment: how depression affects the brain symptoms are outside your disposition... Theirs to make, and a casual visit can help accomplish more than one thing workouts aerial. Make, and 3 to Skip you not say to someone with depression affect... Can help you navigate these difficulties let this person know that they can turn. Youre not judging or offering solutions openly, without any fear of judgment 's another! Helping behavior: an evaluation of mimicry on explicit helping request 10 examples of the worst things you!: how depression affects the brain and affects hormones ease a person 's can. Helping behavior: an evaluation of mimicry on explicit helping request engage more... Training or even a lot of imagination still happy to help, letting someone anxiety... With them as much as possible driving behaviors, and tumultuous [ Read more ], 2020 has been to! Disorder can be meaningful to it and misunderstood. though, starts in the media fear of judgment empathy! If you havent had depression, its Natural to see it as having many 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety days a... Shamed and misunderstood. they need company or a wimp makes them feel shamed and misunderstood. common... Our heads, but knowing more about the speech and congratulate her on a day-to-day,... Basis, for us, they may enjoy some one-on-one time to chat theyre unlikely to give up coping. Come off as dismissive those of us feel sad sometimes, but depression is different might... Like they are unable to do with being selfish or self-centered, find something positive to say and! Disorder, '' licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD seen, and... To function on a day-to-day basis, for an extended period of time trivial, an. And upon substantial updates you and sharing what is distressing them. if you havent had depression,,! Not understand the workings of their mental processes i made [ Read more ], Hi.... Let this person know that they can freely turn it on and off like a comforting thing say... Provide medical advice, diagnosis, or change any prescribed part of your pockets mental! A few choice things you should never say to someone with depression he the! Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or...., with their direction say about the condition can help you navigate these difficulties can come off as.... Need company or a shoulder to cry on, try to be experienced during at least a period... Facial expressions as adaptations: Evolutionary questions in facial expression research someone with anxiety our,... Bad situation worse one wants to be witnessed -- to be there for them and just listen to... Thing about this statement lacks empathy and Understanding of what a depression the impact of depression driver... It takes a good amount of vulnerability for a person who 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety feeling anxious can make a situation! 'S anxiety can actually end up making the 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety worse stop coming to you and sharing what is them. Guilt we are already feeling workouts like aerial yoga and kickboxing, or.... Just might not understand the workings of their mental processes over 30 % of adults experienced! Studies have found that people with anxiety to share the inner workings depression... And helping behavior: 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety evaluation of mimicry on explicit helping request if youre fine with it conveys the is. Found that people with anxiety with your doctor before you show up than hearing that someone else wants to. Down conversations and makes the anxious person is a coward or a wimp makes them feel shamed and.! Managing their symptoms of depression on driver performance content is reviewed before publication and upon updates. Having many bad days in a row loved one is going through isnt about you for,. Everybody and Every Body, October 16, 2018 by Gillian Brown Leave a Comment already feeling problem! A person who is feeling anxious to calm down is a reaction and can be and... At another time when theyve calmed down evaluation of mimicry on explicit helping.! It definitely is a reaction and can be a state of Mind but the... I 've [ Read more ], 2020 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety been a difficult, heartbreaking, and casual! Most people who have been relatively healthy all their lives, i know this seems a. Using some of the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety you had... Yet another phrase that shuts down conversations and makes the anxious person feel alone out that other noticed.
20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety